Many divorce cases are settled at the mediation phase. This article will provide suggested tips to help you prepare for a successful mediation.
- Know the state of your finances.
Prior to attending the mediation you would be well advised to thoroughly review and understand the financial situation you had during the marriage and to predict your financial needs after the divorce if final. This step is essential to help you achieve your financial goals for the mediation.
- If you have children, think through the best parenting plan for them and you.
Attending the mediation with a bit of an open mind to different parenting plan possibilities is a good idea, but it is also important to know what you believe would be ideal for you and your children. Give some thought to their schedules, their preferences, their after-school activities, their religious worship preferences (if any), the kids’ relationship with grandparents and other extended family, etc.
- Let go of vengeance and think about what you want and need.
There is an old saying that you shouldn’t cut off your nose to spite your face. This applies in negotiations as well. Some negotiators get caught up in wanting to appear firm, or say no, or generally shut down what the other party wants just for the sake of making that party dissatisfied. This can be a self-defeating negotiating strategy. One that is more commonly successful is to approach the problem by thinking of what you want and how to get it, rather than trying to punish the other party by depriving them of what they want. Remember a win-win is better than a lose-lose.
- Consider your chances at trial.
In order to evaluate whether a mediation solution is acceptable, you need to have an idea of what the consequences will be if you don’t agree in mediation. Talk to your attorney and find out the range of results at trial. No attorney has a crystal ball, so they can’t tell you what will happen, but they can give you an idea of what the results have been in similar cases. Understanding the consequences of not settling will help you make a more informed decision about whether the settlement proposed is right for you.
- Use your knowledge about your ex-spouse to your advantage.
Nobody knows your ex as well as you do. If you can think about what will persuade him/her, then you can use that knowledge to your advantage. Before you go into the mediation, think about the “cards” in your hand, and decide how to play those cards. Help your attorney understand what your ex’s hot buttons will be.
A mediation can be many things: for some, it is a grueling experience, for others it is a short pain on the path to closure and healing. Regardless of the type of mediation you can expect, preparation and mindfulness in preparing for the mediation will generally improve the outcome.
