Whether you were married a short time or for forever, whether you have kids or no kids, there is no easy divorce. The end of a marriage is emotionally challenging for all parties involved. If you have a spiteful spouse or a challenging custody situation, then the emotional toll can be even greater. This article will give 5 tips on how to help yourself handle the emotional, financial, and physical trauma of an ugly divorce:
- Focus on Yourself. When you are going through a separation or divorce, you need to give yourself permission to focus on you and what can best meet your needs. This means something different for each individual. For some, it may mean taking time to get outside and reconnect with nature. For others, spending the time and money on massage or manicure may be therapeutic. You may be in a place where you just want to lie in bed and be sad and do nothing. You need to allow yourself to grieve in your own way.
- Take One Day At a Time. Facing a big life change can be overwhelming. You may be wondering what will happen with children, finances, property, other assets, common friends, relatives, etc. Remember that those things will sort themselves out as things evolve and progress. If you focus on taking one day at a time, trying to accomplish what is necessary to succeed in just that one day, and facing the problems and challenges that arise in just that day, then you’ll be better able to manage the stress of separation or divorce.
- Reach Out to Family and Friends. One emotion many people struggle with in separation or divorce is a feeling of failure or shame, and consequently it’s common for people to shy away from family and friends during the separation or divorce process. A different perspective may help you overcome those negative emotions. Consider how many friends and associates you know that are divorced. Look online to see the statistics on the success rates of relationships. Take steps to reassure yourself that you are in good company if your marriage did not work out as hoped. Reach out to family and friends because they love you and will support you through this difficult time.
- Talk About Your Feelings. Throughout the separation or divorce period, you will likely be on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Anger, sadness, disappointment, relief, happiness, fear and every other emotion are likely to overcome you at different times in the process. Take the time to open up to a trusted friend or family member to talk about how you feel. Try to find someone who is not affiliated with your former spouse, so that you can feel that the person is entirely on your side. You may want to be cautious of posting your feelings on social media or other public forums, but don’t miss the chance to discuss with a therapist, group, good friend, or family member.
- Focus on a Bright Future. Although seeing a bright future may be challenging right now, when you are grieving over what was lost, you may find benefit in sitting down and making a list of positive thoughts, goals, and feelings. Consider a new hobby to take up. Think about dreams that were previously unfulfilled that may be an available opportunity now. Realize that the growth that you will experience through this challenge will make you a stronger, more empathetic person.
Separation and divorce are tough, but if you concentrate on taking care of yourself, living one day at a time, reaching out to family and friends, sharing feelings and focusing on a bright future, you will find that you can achieve greatness in this difficult time.
