There are different types of custody mediation. In one instance the court may order mediation to resolve contested issues. In other cases, the parties may participate in a private mediation with a retired judge, attorney, etc. In either case, there are some general rules of thumb that will help you prepare for a successful interaction with the mediator.
- Always look through the lens of the best interest of the children.
As you prepare for mediation, remember your focus: the best interest of the children. Other motives such as your convenience, getting revenge for past wrongs, or being unyielding to send a message will not be well-received by the mediator. As you consider what you want, always put the child first.
- Review important documents.
Brush up on any active orders or other important documents. In order to focus the discussion on the right issues, it will be helpful for you to remember clearly the decisions that have been made already in the case.
- Organize your goals but stay open to other possibilities.
Consider what you want to accomplish in the mediation and focus on the big picture. Walk in knowing what you would like to accomplish but be open to different solutions on how to achieve what is best for the child. Try to stay reasonable and keep an open mind, but be organized enough to know what you would like to achieve.
- Try to stay logical and calm.
In a mediation, you can speak honestly about your position. Do not feel pressured to agree. However, staying logical and calm is very important. Disparaging the other party will only waste time. Make your position clear and keep your focus on the best interest of the child when you explain that position.
- Take your turn to talk when you have the floor, but don’t interrupt others.
Listening is a skill often underestimated by many. Listen carefully to what the mediator is saying. Don’t be so concerned with your argument that you don’t take time to understand other points of view. Interrupting others is an easy pitfall in a highly emotional situation, but it can put a mediator on the defensive. Listen to what he or she has to say and then respond at the right time, and your arguments will likely be better received and understood.
With the right preparation and attitude, you can have a very successful mediation experience. The bottom line is to always focus on the children and keep yourself professional, articulate and calm.
