Divorce and Healing

In a recent New York Times piece, the author describes how close friends became a parachute for her emotionally when she was left untethered and metaphorically free-falling alone after her divorce. 

If you are in the middle of a California divorce or rebuilding your life after finalizing your divorce, you may wonder how to find yourself again. Healing is possible, with healthy coping skills and time. This article will summarize suggestions from physchologytoday.com for healing during and after a divorce.

What are some key takeaways about divorce and healing?

Remember that you CAN heal from divorce with time and effort. 

  • Divorce involves stages of recovery and it takes time
  • Recovery requires a commitment to positive coping skills
  • Healing can take an average of one to two years

What are the do’s and don’ts in the acute phase of divorce trauma?

The acute phase is when you are in the initial shock of the changes in your life.

  • Do understand that this is a triage time and not the rest of your life. Keeping a perspective will help you cope with the trauma in this initial stage. 
  • Do focus on sleep, good health habits, friends and family. 
  • Don’t fall into bad habits with drugs and alcohol.

What is the acceptance phase of divorce healing?

The acceptance phase of divorce healing is a time of strong and extreme emotions. You may swing from anger to grief to guilt, shame or relief.

  • Remember that all feelings are ok
  • Listen to yourself and allow yourself to experience the emotions fully.
  • Find a close family member, friend or therapist to confide you feelings. Expressing them aloud can help you work through them.

 What is the adjustment phase of divorce healing?

The adjustment phase is when you adapt to your new life. 

  • Begin to create a plan for your new financial situation and parenting
  • Consider joining a support group
  • During this time you’ll notice that you are starting to think more clearly and feel more positive about the future. 

Contact an Experienced Divorce Firm

One way to facilitate the healing process in or after a divorce is to choose experienced legal counsel. A family law attorney who knows the system and is willing to take the time to get to know you and your case will help prevent the trauma that can come from becoming a victim to the legal system. Having excellent representation will take some of the stress of the divorce off your shoulders. For help with any issue relating to divorce or family law, contact the Law Office of David Knecht.  We have extensive experience with family law and can help you feel confident, understood and supported. Contact us at 707-451-4502. 

Filed Under: Divorce Lawyer

How Should I Tell My School Aged Children About Divorce?

One of the most important and challenging conversations a parent can have with their children is telling them about a divorce. It’s a discussion that will likely always be remembered, so handling this topic is of utmost importance. This article summarizes content from divorcemag.com and provides a checklist for parents to guide them in breaking the news to their children in a positive way. The full article can be found here: 

Affirmation. 

  • Begin by affirming your love for the children and assuring them that you will always be their parent. Tell them that you will always be there for them, but there will be some changes in the family. 

Acknowledge Problems but Don’t Detail Them.

  • Acknowledge that there were problems in the marriage and that you tried to fix them, but do not go into detail about what you think your spouse did wrong. Those are adult issues and too complex and heavy or children, and also you do not want to place your children in a situation where they feel they have to take sides. Be clear with the children that they were in no way at fault and consider apologizing to them for impacting their lives with this new change. 

Consider Your Words. 

  • Consider your children and carefully choose your words. For example, the word “divorce” can be extremely triggering to some children, so you may want to start by calling it a separation. For other children, they may want or need a more direct explanation from you. Make a decision ahead of the conversation about the words you will use. 

Convey Security and Confidence. 

  • Your children need to know that both you and then will be ok. Avoid expressing insecurity about what will happen or how you will get by financially. Try to express confidence and security to your children so that they will feel safe to weather the changes. If one parent is moving out, it is helpful if they already have those arrangements in place so that they can tell the children where they will be and confirm to them that they will still be available and accessible. 

Have the Conversation Together with Your CoParent. 

  • Although emotions may be running high with your coparent, it is often beneficial to work jointly to deliver the message to the children. This can provide confidence to the children that both parents love them and will work together. Emphasize that you will both try to do your best to make the changes as easy on the children as possible. 

Contact an Experienced Family Lawyer

Even if you are just contemplating a divorce, but not certain that you want to go forward, contacting an experienced divorce attorney can be helpful. You can make a plan and know your options. At the Law Office of David Knecht, we have extensive experience helping clients with a California divorce, and we are happy to answer your family law questions. Contact us at 707-451-4502. 



Filed Under: Divorce Advice, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer, Divorce Planning

Considering Divorce? 3 Things You Need to Know

An article published on Parents.com was authored by a woman who was both a mother and a divorce lawyer and discussed what she wished all clients knew prior to a divorce. This article summarizes the article with a list of 5 things you need to know if you are considering divorce. The article can be found in its entirety here: Understand Your Finances. 

  • Money is clearly and important issue in divorce, yet it is surprising how many people are in the dark about their spouse’s finances. 
  • Find out about your spouse’s income. Are they an employee or independent contractor? Are they contributing to retirement accounts? Do they have other investment properties, stock holdings, or other investments?
  • Figure out your debts. Do you have the credit card bills? Do you know the monthly mortgage amount? Who pays for the car insurance and how much is it? 
  • Although understanding the financial system seems very basic and obvious, many people do not have the documents or online access at their fingertips, and getting this access prior to the divorce will be very beneficial down the road. 

Figure Out Your Monthly Expenses

  • Do you know where your money goes every month? This is often important to know down the road for spousal support. 
  • Try to identify where the money is spent on housing, utilities, health insurance, food, phone services, tv and internet, education, charitable donations, etc. 
  • Organizing your proof of these expenses by having the credit card and bank information at your fingertips will save you time later. 
  • You may have student loans or credit card debts or may plan to incur those during the marriage. 
  • You may inherit money during the marriage. 
  • You may want a safety net against your future spouse’s unhealthy behaviors (money toward addictions, uncontrolled spending, etc. )
  • Be aware of red flags, such as sudden changes in spending habits by one spouse. It is not unusual for a spouse who is considering divorce to try to reduce spending in the months prior or to cancel bills before they come under the court’s scrutiny.  

Many divorces are resolved by settlement, so begin considering your divorce goals.  

  • Most divorces are resolved through a mutually agreed settlement by the parties, so if you are thinking about divorce, it is helpful to analyze your feelings about various settlement possibilities before the divorce even commences. 
  • If you have children, consider their ages, preferences and education. Look realistically at what physical custody you think will be in their best interest. 
  • Decide about assets, such as whether you want to keep possession of the home, whether there are keepsakes that you want to be yours in the divorce, etc. 
  • Try to think long term. A common mistake when parties begin a divorce is short term thinking because it is hard to imagine what life will be like down the road ten years, but the decisions you make with your divorce strategy will have far-reaching consequences. 

Contact an Experienced Family Lawyer

Even if you are just contemplating a divorce, but not certain that you want to go forward, contacting an experienced divorce attorney can be helpful. You can make a plan and know your options. At the Law Office of David Knecht, we have extensive experience helping clients with a California divorce, and we are happy to answer your family law questions. Contact us at 707-451-4502. 



Filed Under: Divorce Lawyer, Divorce Planning

How Can Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements Strengthen Marriages?

Many people are reluctant to broach the topic of a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement to their fiancée or spouse with the concern that it may be seen as a hostile or distrusting gesture, but in an article published at Forbes.com, the author (who is a wealth advisor and divorced parent herself) asserts that these types of agreements can actually strengthen marriage and can avoid disastrous consequences in divorce. 

Why talk about prenuptial agreements and postnuptial agreements before things go sour?

  • Life is unpredictable and marriage is difficult
  • Talking about challenging topics while the marriage is still good is better than waiting until the typically adversarial construct of a divorce
  • Money and communication are the two top reasons why people get divorced,

What is a prenup or postnup and why do you need one?

  • A prenup is a contract entered prior to marriage
  • A postnuptial agreement is similar to a prenup except that it is executed after a couple is already married. 
  • It commonly addresses spousal support and provisions of assets in a divorce
  • It’s not just for the rich and famous. Everyone has something worth protecting.
  • It can address property, debt, future inheritances and earnings. 
  • Information or documents that show assets and debts.

What are topics to consider in a prenup/postnup?

  • Division of assets and debts
  • Amount and duration of maintenance/alimony upon divorce
  • Ownership and use of property 
  • Trusts or wills

Can a prenup or postnup determine child custody or support?

  • No, parental responsibilities and child support are based on the best interest of the children, so they cannot be negotiated in advance of a marriage or divorce.

Contact an Experienced Family Lawyer

An experienced family lawyer can help you with a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement that can save time and anxiety in the future. At the Law Office of David Knecht we have extensive experience with family law in California and can help you successfully prepare these agreements. We look forward to assisting you.  Contact us at 707-451-4502. 

 

Filed Under: Divorce Advice, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer

Preparation for Mediation in a Divorce Case

This article follows our previous introduction to mediation. This is part 2, which will provide information on how to prepare for mediation in a divorce case, with information derived from the California Court website.

 

Choosing the mediator

  • Selecting the mediator is an important decision in preparing for a successful mediation, and the right mediator is a very personal decision.
  • For some parties, an excellent mediator might be a former judge to provide experience and information on legal issues. 
  • For other parties, an excellent mediator might be one with the right temperament to fit the parties. Some mediators are more sensitive and collaborative and others tend to be more formal and commanding. 
  • The differences in mediators are as numerous as the differences in attorneys, judges and experts, so no two are alike, and you want to find one that you believe best fits your personality and the opposing party.

 

Understanding the process

  • Mediation can take different forms. In some cases, the mediator meets with each party separately. In other instances, the mediator might lead a discussion of both parties and counsel. In some instances attorneys will be present an in other instances, unrepresented parties seek to use the mediator without retaining and attorney. 

 

  • Find out ahead the time constraints of the parties and the mediator, so that you can properly pace yourself during the process. 

Ask yourself difficult and probing questions prior to the mediation

 

  • Seek to see the strengths and weaknesses of your own case. Be realistic in assessing your position. 

 

  • Try to understand.  Strive to analyze the arguments of the other party and contemplate how to address them. Are there solutions you can think of where all parties win?

 

  • Learn from the past but focus on the future. You cannot change the past, but you can learn from it. What do you know about your former spouse that will influence your decisions? How can you predict their behavior to foresee problems and challenges that may arise and how can those be addressed ahead of time in the mediation process?
  • Let go of emotion. This is one of the most difficult steps of mediation. A court case can never resolve the anger and hurt that is involved in most divorces, so expecting vindication is a barrier to an effective settlement. To the extent that you can view the case logically and impartially, this will help you understand and accept a result that may be in your best interest. 

CONSULT THE LAW OFFICE OF DAVID KNECHT

Mediation can be an emotional and challenging process, but it is an extremely important step in the divorce process where the right attorney can add tremendous value. At the Law Office of David Knecht, we have years of experience with divorce and specifically with divorce mediation. Call us today at 707-451-4502. 

 

Filed Under: Divorce Advice, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer

What is Mediation for a Divorce Case?

This article will provide introductory information about the purpose of mediation, how it works and what to do to prepare for a divorce mediation with information derived from the California Court website.

What is divorce mediation?

  • It is a flexible dispute resolution process with an independent third party who helps to facilitate communication and solution-finding between parties to resolve their own dispute outside of the court system. 

Does the mediator take sides?

  • The mediator is intended to be a neutral party who does not take sides, make decisions, offer legal advice or reveal confidential information. 
  • However, an effective mediator may offer an opinion or share references to legal authority that may be on point for the question at hand. A mediator may provide context with information on how issues have been previously decided by the court.  

What if I have concerns about the process? 

  • If you have any concerns about the mediation process, you should raise those and make sure they are resolved to your satisfaction prior to proceeding. 
  • Some common concerns can include practical considerations like the billing rate of the mediator and your responsibility to pay, or legal concerns such as whether  a judge can make negative inferences against you if you do not settle or whether the information shared in mediation is confidential.
  • It is the mediator’s job to resolve any concerns that you may have prior to the process, and you should not be afraid to ask questions throughout the mediation process. 

 What are some best practices to ensure a successful mediation? 

  • Ask the mediator how to best utilize their services. The mediator often has experience and can guide you as to how to maximize their time and experience. 
  • Come ready to participate fully, honestly and courteously. 
  • Be willing to understand the other party’s arguments. This does not mean you need to agree with them, but understanding your opponent is a good step in finding out of the box solutions. 
  • Assess litigation costs and prospects realistically to yourself. You typically will not get everything you want in a mediation, so assessing the strengths and weaknesses of your case will help you focus on the wins that are most important to you. 

CONSULT THE LAW OFFICE OF DAVID KNECHT

There are many divorce lawyers, but not all family law attorneys have extensive experience. At the Law Office of David Knecht, we have years of experience with divorce and other family law issues. Additionally, we have a commitment to customize our approach to your specific needs and seek to understand your goals and help you achieve them. Call us at 707-451-4502. 

 

Filed Under: Divorce Advice, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer

What are the Main Steps of a California Divorce?

This article will provide an overview of the divorce process with a summary of the information provided by the California Courts.

Getting a divorce in California takes at least six months. There are four main steps to getting divorced and they are the same whether you are married or in a domestic partnership. If you want a legal separation, the steps are the same, but there isn’t a required six month waiting period.

Start the divorce case.

  • One spouse files the papers and lets the other person know that the case has been started by serving the papers on that person.
  • Then the other spouse has a chance to file a response.

Share financial information.

  • The party that filed the papers must share financial information and the other party must also, if they are participating in the divorce process.
  • The documents are shared with the other party and then you file a form so that the judge knows you met this requirement.

Make decisions.  

  • You will need to decide how to divide property and debts, whether spousal support will be paid, and how to care for and support children (if appliable).
  • You can work together with your spouse to come to an agreement on these issues or you can ask the court to decide.

 Finalize the divorce. 

  • This last step involves filing a set of final paperwork. The court will review the forms to make sure that nothing is missing and there are not mistakes and the judge will sign the final form.
  • Visit this site for more information about finalizing a California divorce.

CONSULT THE LAW OFFICE OF DAVID KNECHT

If you need help with a divorce, contact the Law Office of David Knecht. Call us at 707-451-4502. We have extensive experience in family law and can help you feel confident and comfortable navigating a California divorce.

Filed Under: Divorce Advice, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer, Divorce Planning

Property and Debt Division in a California Divorce

In a California divorce, even if the parties agree, a judge has to approve the division of property and debts through an order. You don’t necessarily have to go to court because a judge could approve an agreement between you and your spouse. If the parties don’t agree, the judge can make a determination for you at a hearing or a trial. Information in this article will help you better understand https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce/property-debtsproperty and debt division in a California divorce with information sourced from online resources provided atx. 

 

  • What is property? 

 

  • Property has a formal definition, but in general it is anything that you can own, buy or sell. This includes real estate, bank accounts, life insurance, retirement and more. 

 

 

  • What are the categories of property and debts?

 

  • Community property is generally what you own together during your marriage and the debts that you owe together during your marriage. 

 

  • Separate property is generally what you each owned individually before you were married or after you separated and any gifts or inheritance or any debts you incurred before or after your marriage. 

 

 

  • Why is the date of separation important for categorizing assets and debts?

 

  • The date of separation is important because generally, from that day forward, what you or your spouse earned or loans that you take out are no longer community property. 

 

 

  •  What are the rules for the date of separation?

 

  • The separation date is the day that one of you let the other one know (by actions or words) that they wanted to end the marriage, provided that after that day, your or their actions were consistent with wanting the marriage to be over. 

 

 

  •  How can I tell if something is community property?
  • Generally, community property is anything you earned while married, anything you bought while married and debt that you incurred while married. 

 

Consult the Law Office of David Knecht

Property and debt division is one of the most important aspects of a divorce for most people. The information in this article is very general, but an experienced family law attorney can help you make your case to get the property to which you are entitled and fight to prevent your being saddled with debt that isn’t yours. Please contact us at the  Law Office of David Knecht. We have extensive experience with divorce and family law issues and can answer your questions. Call us at 707-451-4502.

 

Filed Under: Divorce Advice, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer

Overview of a California Divorce

If you are considering divorce, you may want a general overview of how the process works. This article will summarize the basic steps, with information derived from the California Court’s.

 

You get a divorce by initiating a court case. 

  • You don’t have to have a reason for wanting to get divorced or prove that anyone is at fault. California is a no fault divorce state where you can base the divorce solely on irreconcilable differences. 
  • You can get a divorce even if the other person doesn’t want one. 
  • If you’ve been married less than five years and have no children, you may qualify for an easier process called a summary dissolution. More information can be found here:  

 

California residency is required for a California divorce. 

  • You must have lived in California for the past 6 months.
  • You must have lived in your current California county for the past 3 months. 

 

Filing Fee.

  • You will have to pay a filing fee to initiate the divorce. 

 

 Service

 

  • You have to inform your spouse that papers have been filed. The formal way to do this is by service of process. 

 

Waiting period

 

  • There is a six month waiting period for the divorce to be final. 

 

 Information Sharing

 

  • You will have to share information with your spouse

 

 Familial and Financial Issue Resolution

  • You will either need to resolve child custody issues and financial issues with your spouse by agreement between the parties or through a decision by the court, which will be an order

 

CONTACT THE LAW OFFICE OF DAVID KNECHT FOR HELP WITH A CALIFORNIA DIVORCE

If you need help with a divorce in California, contact the  Law Office of David Knecht. We have extensive experience with family law in California including divorce, child custody, modifications and more. Contact us at 707-451-4502 for more information.  

 

Filed Under: Divorce Advice, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer

Feeling Powerless in a California Divorce? How to Take the Power Back

If you are feeling powerless in your divorce, you are not alone. It is common to feel depression, anxiety and stress during a divorce. Some studies even show that a divorce can lower your lifespan, so if you feel sad or helpless, you are not alone.  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23284588/ 

On the bright side, though, there is also research to indicate that quality of life post-divorce can be much better than it was during the marriage. https://www.connectedwomen.co/magazine/the-brighter-side-of-single-mom-life-why-more-women-are-living-happily-ever-after-divorce/

This article will highlight three ways to break the cycle  of feeling powerless and help you take the power back during your divorce. 

  •  Become informed. 

It’s axiomatic that knowledge is power, and this is certainly true when it comes to divorce. For many, the intimidation of the process can be daunting, but there are many online resources that can help. 

One we recommend that is unbiased and thorough is the website published by California Courts.  It can be accessed here. https://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-divorce.htm?rdeLocaleAttr=en

This resource has self-help tools, information, forms and general guidance on divorce and California, and it’s a good place to start to get educated on what may lie ahead. 

  • Get organized. 

You can anticipate that assets and liabilities are going to be important in your divorce, so it’s important to get the information organized and easily accessible. Some things to consider might be:

  • What are the balances on your credit cards?
  • How much do you owe on your vehicle?
  • What is your mortgage payment?
  • How much student loan or other debt do you carry?
  • How much do you earn?

Getting information together will help you feel more in control and will make the process go more smoothly down the road. 

  •  Obtain Legal Advice. 

An attorney who is experienced in family law and empathetic to your concerns can help you feel more in control of your divorce. At the Law Office of David Knecht we have extensive experience with divorce in California. We will listen to your concerns and seek to understand how to customize the divorce to your needs. Contact us at 707-451-4502 for more information.  

Filed Under: Divorce Advice, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer, Divorce Planning
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