Divorce doesn’t mean your children have to suffer. You can help your children cope with the changes that inevitably come with divorce. This article will focus on what you can do, independently of the other parent, to help your children navigate the divorce and successfully adjust.
- Speak respectfully about the other parent.
Although divorce is often an adversarial process with the ex-spouse, your children will be benefited by your protecting them from the battle. Speak respectfully of the other parent. Try to avoid venting to your children about what the other parent is wrong. This can place the child in an uncomfortable position of feeling forced to take sides.
- Clearly communicate with the other parent and your children.
Clear communication is key to setting expectations. If you are organized, plan things out, and convey meaningful and firm messages then everyone will benefit. When a parent assumes various schedules, meeting places or other expectations, then the situation is ripe for misunderstandings and inconvenience. Often text or email communication can prevent problems.
- Express love to your children every day.
Your kids are going through a hard time and need you now more than ever. Remember to tell them every day that you love them. Try to show them through your actions that they are important to you and you care about them. Be supportive. Listen to their concerns and comfort them when they are sad.
- Allow your children to grieve.
For some children, losing the one family unit can feel like a death, and they need time and space to grieve the loss. Understand that they may go through the grief cycle of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Seek to understand the emotions and be supportive.
- Keep calm and put your children first.
There will likely be many instances of anger, annoyance and frustration with your ex-spouse. Find a friend or a counselor to confide in. Remember that you are always setting an example for your children, so be the person that you want them to become.
The changes in your family can be an opportunity to show your children fortitude, sacrifice, leadership, forgiveness, communication and love. Many parents who achieve the best outcomes for their children during the divorce process do so because they set goals for how to handle the ex-spouse appropriately and they achieve a reliable, safe space for their children to thrive in.
