Many people who go through a divorce in California have little or no experience with the legal system. Divorce is a difficult process that will put a strain on you and your children, but this guide will help you keep on track and avoid some of the common pitfalls involved in a divorce.
- Avoid making threats or reacting to threats. A common temptation in divorce is to make threats such as “I’ll drag this out and make it as expensive as possible,” or “I’ll make sure you never see the kids again,” or “I’ll quit my job so you’ll never get a penny,” etc. These threats do no good and can do a great deal of harm. Making threats puts you in a negative light and can lead to sanctions from the court. If your spouse is making these threats, do not react to them. Document the threats by taking note of what was said and in front of whom, and report this information to your attorney.
- Keep focused on the important things – your children, your job, and your health. The stress and time involved in a divorce can tear you away from your most important priorities, which are likely your children, your job and your health. Make a plan to stay focused on what you really care about. Focus on what you can do and not what you can’t do. Make a schedule. Get organized. Force yourself to keep doing the things that you need to do to survive. Take time to exercise. Guard your mental health. The divorce can take over your entire life unless you take charge and make sure that the important priorities are not neglected.
- Move forward. Whether your strategy is to settle or to go to trial, make sure your case is moving forward. The process of divorce is uncomfortable and expensive, so you want to discuss with your attorney how to keep things progressing. Some vindictive ex’s may try to slow down the process as a revenge technique, so discuss with your attorney the various options that make sense to keep the process moving.
- Know the strategy and the budget. Some of the most important conversations you should have with your attorney will be about the strategy and the budget. Don’t go into this war without a plan of attack. Discuss your options with your attorney and evaluate the cost of different strategies to come up with a plan that is right for you. Each case is unique and the plan for your case needs to fit your needs and budget.
- Don’t let emotions rule your decisions. You are human, and your emotions will be running wild during a divorce. It’s ok to cry. It’s normal to be angry or depressed. Be kind to yourself and don’t repress the gamut of emotions, but also make sure that you avoid making purely emotion-based decisions. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Make decisions when you are in a calmer frame of mind. There are cases where parties spend money out of revenge. Think about your divorce as a business, and look to have a return on your investment in legal fees. To simply this concept: don’t spend $5 to win $1.
