Bringing up a prenuptial agreement can be a sensitive topic for many couples, but this article will discuss suggestions on how to approach this difficult conversation, with ideas originally published in a HuffPost article entitled, “How to Bring Up a Prenup without Sounding Like a Jerk.”
A prenuptial agreement, or prenup, is a legal document that outlines how a couple’s assets will be divided in the event of a divorce and a postnuptial agreement is the same, but agreed to after marriage. Why would you want to bring up a prenup or postnup? According to a CDC report, over a 10-year period, 43% of marriages end in divorce, so understanding your financial risks and liabilities in advance of divorce can be very helpful to streamline the divorce process later on.
Timing is Everything
When bringing up a prenup, timing is crucial. Avoid discussing it during high-stress moments or when you’re in a heated argument. Choose a calm, private setting where both of you can talk openly without distractions. According to HuffPost, it’s best to start this conversation well before the wedding planning begins, giving both partners ample time to consider and discuss the agreement.
Frame it as a Joint Decision
Presenting the prenup as a mutual decision rather than a one-sided demand can help ease tension. Emphasize that a prenup is a way for both of you to protect your individual interests and the financial health of your marriage. For instance, you might say, “I think it would be good for us to talk about a prenup to make sure we’re both protected and clear on our financial expectations.”
Focus on the Positive
Highlight the benefits of having a prenup. Explain how it can provide peace of mind and prevent future conflicts. Mention that it’s not about mistrust but about being proactive and responsible. The California Department of Financial Protection and Innovation suggests discussing financial matters openly as part of healthy relationship practices.
Be Honest and Transparent
Transparency is key when discussing a prenup. Share your reasons for wanting one and listen to your partner’s concerns. Avoid using ultimatums or making it seem like the prenup is non-negotiable. Instead, approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to compromise.
Seek Professional Advice Together
Consider consulting with a financial advisor or attorney together. This can help ensure that both partners understand the legal aspects of the prenup and feel that their interests are being fairly represented. It also demonstrates that you’re taking a collaborative approach to the agreement.
Use Real-Life Examples
Sometimes, real-life examples can help illustrate the importance of a prenup. Share stories of friends or family members who have benefited from having one or faced difficulties because they didn’t. This can make the concept more relatable and less intimidating.
Reassure Your Commitment
Reiterate your commitment to your partner and the relationship. Make it clear that the prenup is not about doubting the marriage’s success but about protecting both of you in the future. Assure your partner that you’re in this together, and the prenup is just one part of a broader conversation about your future.
Follow Up
After the initial conversation, give your partner time to process the information. Follow up later to see how they’re feeling and to address any further questions or concerns. This ongoing dialogue can help build trust and ensure that both partners are comfortable with the decision.
Contact a California Family Lawyer
Bringing up a prenup is difficult, but with planning and consideration for each other, you can discuss a prenuptial agreement in a way that respects and values both partners’ perspectives. At the Law Office of David Knecht, we have extensive experience in all aspects of family law, and we focus on serving clients in Solano, Napa and Yolo. Contact us today at 707-451-4502.
