Nobody plans on getting a divorce, and divorce can be traumatic for the couple involved, their children and even extended family and friends. This article will summarize tips from an article published by the American Psychological Association for how to have a healthy divorce. https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody/healthy
Cooperation, Communication and Mediation (Often, but Not Always)
For many divorces, a good starting point is cooperation, communication and a hope of resolution through mediation. This is not the pattern for all divorces, as each situation is unique. For some divorces, a more aggressive and hostile approach may be the right strategy. There is no “one size fits all” divorce, and it is important to coordinate with your attorney on the strategy that works for you. However, often at least an initial effort toward finding solutions that are palatable for everyone involved can be the method for a divorce that is effective and affordable.
- Write Things Down.
Emotions will often run very high during a divorce with various triggers that elicit anger, frustration, defeat, fear and a myriad of other negative emotions. One strategy may be to put your thoughts and emotions onto paper. For some people, making lists or writing down goals can help overcome the powerlessness that results from negative emotions by channeling the energy into productive planning and/or processing.
- Give Yourself Compassion.
Although it seems somewhat obvious to give yourself a break, the practice of self-compassion can actually reap amazing benefits during a divorce. In a 2012 study, the participants going through a divorce were asked to rate their self-compassion, which included self-kindness, an awareness of one’s place in humanity and emotional equanimity. Participants who exercised self-compassion reaped the benefit of less emotional turbulence during the divorce process and even nine months down the road from the divorce event. The conclusion of the study was that self-compassion is a modifiable variable that can improve the lives of divorcing adults. So, be kind to yourself, understand that you are an important part of the network of humanity and realize your potential for emotional calm. https://neuro.unboundmedicine.com/medline/citation/22282874
Resolve to Make the Divorce Experience as Positive as Possible for Children
While some people still hold to the idea that divorce will have a lasting negative impact, more recent research indicates that “outcomes for children and adolescents following divorce were complexly determined, varied considerably, and could be best understood within a framework of familial and external factors increasing risk and fostering resilience. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-00701-003
This research indicates that your children are not automatically going to be negatively impacted by your divorce and you may be able to minimize or eliminate long-term challenges resulting from the divorce. Some methods that are associated with positive outcomes include good communication with the children, avoiding pitting the children against one parent, avoiding sudden changes to allow children to process and deal with change, and providing counseling and other mental health support to children during the difficult times.
Find the Right Attorney
An experienced attorney can help make the divorce process easier for you and help you make important decisions. At the Law Office of David Knecht, at 707-451-4502, we have extensive experience in divorce in California. Call us today.
