One of the most common concerns during or after a divorce is a coparent alienating a child against the other parent. Alienation is where one parent intentionally uses tactics to manipulate the child to fear or dislike the other parent. In California, parental alienation is not a crime, but it can be a factor in determining custody and visitation. This article will give examples of illustration, discuss legal strategies for documenting evidence to support a claim of alienation in litigation, and discuss non-legal practices for helping your children resist the harmful effects of alienation with ideas originally published here: https://www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/how-do-i-get-my-co-parent-to-stop-alienating/

What are examples alienation tactics?

• Telling a child lies about the other parent.
• Keeping important information about the child from the other parent.
• Ignoring custody orders.
• Undermining the other parent’s authority.
• Preventing contact or communication between the child and the other parent.
• Attempts to ruin the other parent’s visitation or custody time.

What legal strategies can be used to combat parental alienation?

• Allegations of parental alienation are usually only effective if they are supported by evidence, so the first step of a legal strategy is documentation of the tactics.
• Parenting time – keep detailed notes of parenting time to document when the other parent tries to manipulate your child against you.
• Witnesses – any third party observer of the other parent’s manipulations can be helpful to bolster your case.
• Documents and pictures – text messages, emails, pictures, social media posts, or any other written or photographic evidence can be helpful in proving your case.

What techniques can I use to help my children resist the harmful effect of alienation?

• Mirror strength – how you react will be a model for your children. If you respond to their rejection with calmness and love, this will show them that your love is unconditional and help them see through the lies that the other parent is telling.
• Take back your power – recognize that you cannot change another person, but you are in complete control of yourself. Rather than focusing on the negative narrative that the ex is spinning, create a positive story for your children by always taking the high road. Treat your ex and the children with respect, and over time, your children will grow to understand what is really going on.
• Take proactive action – communicate consciously, plan ahead, use email and text so that you don’t end up in verbal altercations with the other parent. Contact a family law attorney, and take the recommended steps to fight the alienation to the extent that you can through the court system. Most importantly, put in the work to be there for your children in every way. Believe and live with the mantra that “Love always wins.”

Contact an Experienced California Family Law Attorney

If you have questions about parental alienation or any other aspect of California family law, contact us today. At the Law Office of David Knecht, we have extensive experience in all aspects of family law, and can help you with divorce, modification, prenuptial agreements, or any other family law issue. Contact us today at 707-451-4502.

The recent popularity of Amazon’s “The Idea of You” perhaps highlights the connection many viewers are feeling for the main character, Solene (played by Anne Hathaway), who finds love after a difficult divorce. According to this Vanity Fair article, the movie had over 50 million views in its first two weeks on Amazon, making it the number one rom com debut. https://variety.com/2024/film/news/the-idea-of-you-ratings-50-million-viewers-1236002566/

This article is for fans of the movie, who may also be facing or recovering from a divorce, and will highlight ideas inspired by the film on how to live your best life in your new situation.

If you are considering divorce, in the middle of the legal process, or if you need help post-divorce on issues such as modification, the importance of finding the right experienced family law attorney cannot be overstated. At the Law Office of David Knecht, we have extensive experience in all aspects of family law and can help you complete your own estate plan or assist you with properly administering the estate of a loved one who has passed. Contact us today at 707-451-4502.

Open Yourself Up to New Experiences

• In “The Idea of You,” the movie starts with the main character trying something new, camping, and evolves into her opening her mind to dating a man almost twenty years younger than her.
• One of the themes of the movie is allowing yourself to discover new things, break free of stereotypes, and find your passions.
• For many people, the journey to self-discovery during and after a divorce will involve expanding your hope, your interests, and your perspective to be open to new experiences.

Coparent with Grace

• In the movie, Solene was not appreciated as a wife by her ex, who cheated on her and choose the other woman. In spite of her ex’s shortcomings as a human, she was willing to sub in for him and take her daughter to the August Moon concert.
• Solene’s good deed to sub in for her husband led to the romance that changed her life.
• Similarly, many people are put in a position to have to choose the high road after divorce, where the ex is disappointing, unreliable, or even hostile. The takeaway lesson from the movie is that beauty can rise from ashes, and even though an ex may not deserve your kindness, a commitment to coparenting and to your child can lead to a happier life post-divorce.

Maintain Boundaries

• Solene’s ex’s wife in the movie wants to befriend Solene, and she refuses to get too close.
• Another best practice for living life to the fullest during or after a divorce is to hold firm on the boundaries that you feel comfortable with.
• Being a good person and choosing the high road in coparenting does not mean an abdication of your boundaries. Rather, setting your limits kindly, firmly and clearly will help you succeed in challenging situations.

Considering the Best Interest of Your Children

• In the movie, the fame and publicity of the romance between Solene and her young pop star boyfriend, Hayes, leads her to make the decision that she must break off the relationship for her teenage daughter.
• For others in a similar situation, the right decision might be different. The takeaway lesson is not that you can’t find love after divorce, but just that in doing so, you want to carefully consider all the ramifications for your children and their specific needs.

Time Can Be Heal Wounds

• In the movie, Solene and Hayes reconnect in five year when the circumstances are more conducive for their relationship to flourish.
• There is actually research to support the concept that time heals all wounds. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17554013/
• Patience can be your ally in creating a full and rich life after divorce because circumstances can change and people can adapt.
• If you feel frustrated with how things are in the present, there is hope that with time and effort, many problems can be addressed and many circumstances improved.

For More Ideas on Creating Your Best Life After Divorce

“The Idea of You” is a fun fictional foray about recovering and thriving after a divorce, and perhaps it has resonated with so many because of its message of finding happiness after hurt. We hope that fans of this rom com have enjoyed examining the lessons that can be learned from this dive into the themes of the flick. For legal help with a divorce, call the Law Office of David Knecht, (707) 451-4502.  For information on ideas for creating your best life after divorce, see this healthline article:  https://www.healthline.com/health/life-after-divorce.

A June 2023 unpublished opinion from Los Angeles County reaffirms the importance of full disclosure in divorce cases. This article will summarize the case and highlight the takeaways for divorce law in California.

What were the basic facts of Frausto v. Frausto?

• Although this was an unpublished case, it provides an interesting case study on the issue of undisclosed assets in a divorce. 

• Over 20 years after the court entered a final judgment, the ex-wife filed a petition to adjudicate the ex-husband’s pension, which had not been disclosed. 

• As per the California Family Code, there is no time limit on the court’s jurisdiction to adjudicate assets that were not disclosed.

• The court affirmed the order granting the ex-wife an interest in the pension. 

What are the takeaways from this case for a California divorce? 

• Failure to fully disclose assets in a California divorce will not prevent an ex-spouse from later winning a claim against the undisclosed assets. 

• The court will not impose a time limit on a former spouse’s claim to undisclosed assets. 

• The family court has continuing jurisdiction of undisclosed assets, and that continuing jurisdiction can last a long time (20 years in the Frausto case!).  

What are my options if I think that my spouse his assets, but my divorce is final?

• This case shows that one option if you think an ex-spouse has hidden assets is to petition the court for a share of the asset.

• An important consideration is to bring your claim as soon as possible. As this case shows, a delay in pursing a claim against an undisclosed assets is not fatal to your claim (the court held that it was not compelled to consider the defense of laches in the Frausto case). However, you can anticipate that your ex-spouse may raise equity as a defense if there is an unreasonable delay in pursing your claim against the undisclosed asset.  

Contact an Experienced Divorce Attorney

Whether you are just beginning your divorce, in the middle, or have post-judgment issues to resolve, at the Law Office of David Knecht, we are here to help you! We have extensive experience with family law which includes all matters concerning divorce in California.  Contact us at 707-451-4502.