If you are like most parents, your kids are the most important people in your life.  They are adorable and irreplaceable, and you would do anything for them.  If you are going to battle with an itinerant ex-spouse to determine the fate of your precious ones, then you need every arrow in your quiver possible.  This guide will help you understand the what you need to do to be successful in a custody battle.

1. Understand the rules of the game.  Courts have broad discretion to protect the best interest of the children, which includes each child’s health, safety, education and general welfare.  Courts can take into account any number of factors such as the following:

• evidence of abuse or neglect,

• the age of the child

• sibling relationships

• degree of attachment between parent and child

Courts cannot take into account the gender or race of the parent.  One parent’s financial ability can’t be the sole factor in a custody decision. 

• Be your best self.  During a custody battle, you actions and the words that come out of your mouth will be under a microscope.  Be careful of the way you behave with the ex-spouse and also with the children.  It goes without saying that any type of threatening or violent behavior should not occur, but also you should proactively behave as if the judge were observing you at all times.  Speak courteously to the ex.  Try not to take unreasonable positions. When you are with your child, give them your quality time.  If there are ways you can make yourself a better parent through overcoming addictions or seeking more education, look to improving yourself as a parent.  Taking the high road is not only the right thing to do, but it will give you an edge in getting the custody you seek.

• Pinpoint Areas of disagreement with the ex-spouse.  In any legal case, you need to put yourself in the shoes of the opposing party.  Don’t just get frustrated with what they do, but look deeper to try to understand why.  If you can get to the why, then you will be one step closer to finding a resolution that will be acceptable to both parties.  If the issue is unresolvable, then by understanding your ex, you will be better able to fight them in court.  For example, if your ex-spouse wants a different schedule, look at why he or she is taking that position?  Is there a work schedule reason?  Is there a grandparent or otherwise, whose schedule is playing into your spouse’s mindset?  If you can get beneath the surface to understand your opponent’s arguments, then you have a better chance of a successful outcome.

• Gather evidence and document everything.  Your word that the other person is a bad parent is not as convincing as solid evidence.  If a child care worker, neighbor, teacher has observed your ex-spouse abusing or mistreating the child, then have them document that observation.  Consult with your attorney on the best way to preserve this evidence, but don’t pass up the opportunity to memorialize important evidence. If your spouse has sent you malicious emails, organize those in a file for your attorney.  If your spouse has posted damaging comments on social media, screen shot that information and share it with your attorney.  It takes extra work to be organized and document everything, but in many cases that time in preparation pays off.

• Consult with professionals.  If you feel your children are suffering from the custody battle, don’t hesitate to get them counseling.  If you need someone to talk to, turn to a trusted friend, look into community resources for counseling, or find a professional counselor who can help you.  It’s not uncommon to have a high stress level during a custody battle, and you can seek help.  Hire an attorney that you trust and who will be zealous in advocating your interests.