For many, divorce is a challenge. You may worry about your children and your future. An opinion piece published by the New York Times presents a different paradigm. From the perspective of the author, divorce for some can be a liberating, refreshing change that propels you to a better present and future. This article will summarize the opinion, Divorce can Be an Act of Radical Self-Love, which can be found here: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/30/opinion/divorce-children.html

•  “Everything is my choice, and I am in charge.”

The experience of one newly single mother who works full time and attends graduate school at night was highlighted in the New York Times piece. She said she enjoyed choosing her apartment, decorating it and paying for it. Her quote was, “everything is my choice, and I am in charge.” The ability to make choices independently is an oft overlooked benefit of divorce. 

•  Children may benefit from being released from a toxic environment. 

Many divorcing parents worry how their children may react, but the author of the NY Times opinion piece posits that children may benefit from being released from a toxic environment. She writes: “Children know on an intuitive level what their parents are thinking and feeling. Long frosty silences, screaming matches and unrelenting tension between parents can inflict damage on the well-being of their children.” 

For research that examines the way in which predivorce marital conflict influences the impact of divorce on children, see https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.00197.x

See also research on whether children benefit when high-conflict marriages are dissolved , which can be found here.  https://www.jstor.org/stable/353565

•  Freedom from a relationship that “crushes the spirit.”

Personal development can flourish post-divorce with the newfound freedom from a relationship that “crushes the spirit.” 

Research cited in an article on connectedwomen.co supports the idea that you may be happier divorced than married.  https://www.connectedwomen.co/magazine/the-brighter-side-of-single-mom-life-why-more-women-are-living-happily-ever-after-divorce/

• A survey conducted in the US by research firm Avvo found 75% of divorced women reported they had no regrets ending their marriage compared to 61% of divorced men
• A UK study by Kingston University surveyed 10,000 divorced men and women between ages 16 and 60; participants were asked to rate their happiness before and after their divorce, and again the women were found to be much happier for up to five years following the end of their marriages
• The UK study also found that divorced women reported feeling more content than they had in their entire lifetimes; the findings also indicated women were more likely to seek the support of friends, improve their health and lifestyle, seek out new experiences, and discover more about themselves.

Consult with Experienced Divorce Attorneys at the Law Office of David Knecht

If you are considering whether divorce might be the right decision for you, get experienced legal advice. At the Law Office of David Knecht we have extensive experience with family law in California and can help you successfully navigate a California divorce.  Contact us at 707-451-4502 for more information.  

 

The American Bar Association published an article with tips for a successful mediation, with content inspired by the best-selling book, “Getting to Yes.”  This article will summarize these mediation best practices, and the full story can be found here: 

• Separate the person from the problem.

Both parties almost always have anger, resentment, and distrust of their ex, but for the purpose of negotiation those negative emotions – while often very justified—are not productive to getting what you want out of the negotiation.  Your ex’s personality is not going to change in the divorce.  However, if you can identify specific problems to be solved, then those may be negotiable.  

• Develop options for mutual gain. 

The more options that are presented, the more likely it is that both parties can find an option that is palatable to everyone.  Look for options that are win-win for both people so that instead of a combat position, you are taking a problem-solving tact.  

• Focus on interests, not positions. 

With a position approach, you have a winner and a loser.  With an interest-centered approach, you try to understand the interests of the other party and the goal is to achieve solutions not winners and losers.  When you take time to really listen to what makes the other side tick, then you will understand how to properly incentivize the behavior you want to achieve. 

• Find objective material to lead to common understanding

Both parties can respond to objective material.  For example, if two parties value property or assets differently and neither will budge, then an assessor could be hired to provide data or internet research could be done to get objective information.  

•   Focus on the best alternative to a focused agreement “BATNA.”

If you are trying to get everything you want in a negotiation, you are likely to fail.  If you identify what you really need and prioritize, then you are more likely to achieve those realistic goals through settlement. 

Consult with the Law Office of David Knecht

At the Law Office of David Knecht we have extensive experience with family law in California and can help you successfully negotiate a California divorce.  Contact us at 707-451-4502 for more information.  

 

If you are considering divorce, you may have reached out to friends or family to get their advice.  Many people may have shared with you the do’s and don’ts to help you navigate the divorce process effectively.  This article will add to the advice, with a cautionary list of things not to do. 

 

• Don’t necessarily keep the house.

 

A home can have a lot of sentimental value, but when evaluating it in the divorce, you need to look at it as simply an asset or a liability.  Determine whether you have sufficient resources not just for the mortgage and utilities but for any maintenance. Consider whether it meets your needs now. Evaluate with logic not emotion.

 

• Don’t ignore potential tax consequences or retirement accounts. 

 

Make sure you understand how your taxes will be impacted going forward and how any deductions or stimulus for the children will factor in.  Talk to an accountant or lawyer to plan taxes ahead of time so that you aren’t caught by surprise. Additionally, make a plan for splitting the retirement so that you aren’t left without those resources later on.

 

• Don’t forget about health insurance. 

 

If you or your children have been covered by your ex’s policy, you need to determine how health insurance will work going forward. 

 

• Don’t spend lavishly out of spite. 

 

You may be receiving support pending the divorce, but generally you should spend money the same way that you did during the marriage.  Spending lavishly out of spite could interfere with the asset division.

•  Don’t roll over all of an ex’s retirement account into an IRA if you need some of the money for divorce expenses.

 

If your divorce settlement allocates assets under a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO), then any withdrawal a QDRO alternate payee takes from a 401(k) or 403(b) is exempt from the 10% early withdrawal penalty—even if you’re under age 59½. The bottom line is if you think you’ll need money now, you might want to make a withdrawl before the rollover. But, do this with caution, because you will owe income tax on the amounts withdrawn.

Consult with Experienced Divorce Attorneys at the Law Office of David Knecht

At the Law Office of David Knecht we have extensive experience with family law in California and can help you successfully negotiate a California divorce.  Contact us at 707-451-4502 for more information.  

 

This article will explain some basic principles relating to holographic wills in California.  What is a holographic will?

The definition of a holographic will found at is a holographic will is a will that is handwritten, dated and signed by the person writing the will.  See https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/Common_Words_Probate_Cases.pdf

Where can I find the law relating to holographic wills in California?

 

CA Prob Code § 6111 (2017) contains the black letter law relating to holographic wills.  It can be found here:  https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?sectionNum=6111.&lawCode=PROB#:~:text=%29%206111.%20%28a%29%20A%20will%20that%20does%20not,as%20to%20the%20date%20of%20its%20execution%20and%3A

What does Section 6111 say?

(a) A will that does not comply with Section 6110 is valid as a holographic will, whether or not witnessed, if the signature and the material provisions are in the handwriting of the testator.

(b) If a holographic will does not contain a statement as to the date of its execution and:

(1) If the omission results in doubt as to whether its provisions or the inconsistent provisions of another will are controlling, the holographic will is invalid to the extent of the inconsistency unless the time of its execution is established to be after the date of execution of the other will.

(2) If it is established that the testator lacked testamentary capacity at any time during which the will might have been executed, the will is invalid unless it is established that it was executed at a time when the testator had testamentary capacity.

(c) Any statement of testamentary intent contained in a holographic will may be set forth either in the testator’s own handwriting or as part of a commercially printed form will.

What kind of attorney can help me with a loved one’s holographic will?

 

An attorney who has experience in estate planning law can help you with the probate process and understanding whether a holographic will is enforceable.

At the Law Office of David Knecht, at 707-451-4502, we have extensive experience with estate planning in California and can answer your questions relating to a holographic will.